


Only The Good Die Young

by Squoose67



Series: Destiel one shots [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Character Death, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean has cancer, Death, Funerals, I Tried, I cried a bit, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Chuck - Freeform, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, eulogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squoose67/pseuds/Squoose67
Summary: Cas and Dean had been through a lot in their eighteen years of friendship; bullies, relationships and friendships, coming out to each other, you name it and they've probably been through it together but there is one thing neither had to deal with until now, and then only one did, death.





	Only The Good Die Young

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song No One But You by Queen. Hope you enjoy!

“No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories.”

Chris Sorensen

Cas and Dean had been through a lot in their eighteen years of friendship; bullies, relationships and friendships, coming out to each other, you name it and they've probably been through it together but there is one thing neither had to deal with until now, and then only one did, death.

 

At the age of sixteen Dean Winchester was diagnosed with cancer but in his Dean Winchester way he never let it bring him down… Ever. Not when he had to get radiation treatment, not when his hair began to fall out, not when he was told he only had a year to live. Just never. He was brave, faced everything with a grin. 

Cas can only remember one time when he'd seen Dean cry because of what was happening, in his best friends six year battle he'd only cried once. That night Cas had held him and let him cry, there was nothing else he could do. It was just after Dean's seventeenth birthday and he'd been told that he'd have to finish senior year early. He hadn't cared much about that, his only problem was that he was afraid his friendship with Cas would end. As Cas held Dean that night he realized that he was in love with his best friend and had been for years.

Dean was what doctors described as a fighter, though Cas and Dean's family didn't need a medical professional to tell them that, and he fought his cancer for six years after being told he'd only live for one year.

The days leading up to Dean’s death were full of misery, as one can imagine. He had lost weight, lots of it, his skin grew paler and he became weaker and more tired. Dean knew he was going to die, he knew that at the age of twenty two he would die. On February fifteenth he collapsed while walking down stairs and was rushed to hospital. 

Cas immediately went out to see Dean who had been stabilised. As soon as Cas got inside the hospital room Dean his family to leave, which they did.

“You're a fucking idiot, Y'know that Cas?” Dean stated with a tired smile and shook his head. “You could be out there, living your life, breaking people's hearts, going to Stanford like Sammy but no, you choose to stay in a small town in Lawrence, Kansas just so you can be with your dying best friend.” 

“Don’t say that. We don't know that you're going to die, Dean.” 

Dean scoffed, “yes, we do, Cas, we both know I'm not going to be able to keep this up and longer. I am dying, I'm going to die soon and at my funeral I want you to write a eulogy. Please, Cas. I don't want some boring old priest to ramble on about me,I want you to talk about me because you know me better than anyone else. You'll keep your promise,right?” Cas could tell Dean was starting to fall asleep as he was speaking, his words slurring together. “Of course, Dean.” Cas's voice cracked. Before sleep eventually took over the last thing Cas heard was “you fucking idiot,” being murmured affectionately.

Dean Winchester died at 04:09 AM on the sixteenth of February. 

Castiel had fallen asleep a few minutes after Dean but was awoken by Dean trying catch his breath, rasping loudly as he tried to breathe in. Cas had ran out to the hall, screaming for a doctor but it had been too late. Dean Winchester was gone…

Cas couldn't cry, he was too in shock. Sam pulled him into hug, clinging to him like he had done when they were younger. Sam, 6”’4 giant somehow made himself seem like a child who needed protecting. Cas wrapped his arms around Sam as he the boy wept, mourning the loss of his brother. 

***

Cas took a deep breath as he glanced at himself in the mirror, the bags under his eyes made it look like he hadn’t slept in weeks when in reality it was only two days. He hasn’t been sleeping since Dean died, instead staying up to work on his eulogy. He still didn’t believe it, he kept thinking that he was at home or gone to spend a weekend with his Uncle Bobby. The funeral was today. He looked down at his suit, he hadn’t worn it since his cousin Anna’s wedding two years ago, he was surprised it still fit him. He checked his watch and realised the funeral was starting in a half hour. It was taking place outdoors at the cemetery, it’s what Dean wanted. Before leaving his room he grabbed Sir Buzz.

One day when Cas and Dean had been in Cas’s bedroom Dean noticed the bee stuffed animal on Cas’s shelf. “Hey, Cas?” he started as he stood up to get the bee, “when I die will you bring Sir Buzz to my funeral?” It hurt hearing Dean say “when I die,” not “if I die.” Cas raised a brow but nodded, “Of course, but why?” Dean sat back down, the stuffed animal in hand. “Because it’s Sir Buzz, y’know? He’s like… The reason our friendship started, I want him to be there.” Cas bit his lip but nodded, “then he’ll be there.” 

“Do you promise?” God, Cas could hear him saying those words. “I promise.”

Cas walked to the cemetery with Sir Buzz in hand, the stuffed animal wasn’t anything like he had been when he and Dean were five, his yellow colour had faded a lot, he has “stitches” from when Dean’s mom, Mary, had sewed him when he ripped, which was lot, and a mud stain that wouldn’t come off no matter how much Cas’s dad washed it.

The cemetery was almost full when Cas arrived but Sam had saved him a seat beside the him, his girlfriend, Eileen, and their parents, Mary and John. Dean was in his coffin, it was an open casket service and Cas could clearly see him from where he was sitting. He was wearing the leather jacket John had gotten him for his birthday, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans, definitely something Dean would wear. Cas looked around and noticed that John’s family was there, friends of the family, Dean’s friends too but Mary’s hadn’t shown up which angered Cas. He knew Mary’s parents didn’t like John but their grandson is dead for Christ’s sake.

 

The service started a few minutes after Cas sat down and he saw that almost everyone was crying through it… but he wasn’t. A part of him kept telling him, nagging him, he’s not allowed to cry. I mean, these people lost their brother and son, you don’t get to cry. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t stop thinking it.

“And now we will hear some words from Dean’s friend, Castiel.”

Sam wiped his eyes a rested an encouraging hand on Cas’s shoulder and somehow manage to give him an encouraging smile. He took a deep breath before standing up and making his way to the top, in front of everyone. The podium was right beside the coffin and Cas couldn’t stop his eyes from trailing to Dean. He felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest when he realised he’d never get to see Dean’s smile again, he’d never get to see his green eyes full of mischief, he’d never get to hear his voice or his laugh. He cleared his throat and forced his eyes away from him, instead focusing on his eulogy.

“I first met Dean when we were five,” he started, “It was my first day starting at a new school and these kids had stolen Sir Buzz,” he put the bee on the podium, “and he got it back for me, Sir Buzz had always what Dean called the “foundation of our friendship,” and he was right, I may have never met Dean if it weren’t for this guy. Lots of people don’t understand why I’m so attached to some “stupid stuffed animal that has seen better days,” but they don’t understand the meaning behind it.” He gulped loudly.

“When I was seven I asked my father what death was because a classmate had said his dog had died a couple days before. My father sat me down and explained it to me, but he also told me what his father told him and I remember his words clearly. He said, “people don’t die of old age or illness or anything like that, people live their lives and gain potential, they gain experiences and and memories, both happy and sad, they grow and learn new things, they learn to love and appreciate and see the beauty in everything. Then when they reach their full potential they die because they are too perfect for the pain and suffering in this world, they don’t deserve to see how ugly the world can be.”” Cas shook his head, “I believed this for a long time and still kind of do.” 

“Even though my father told me what he believed about death I knew Dean was too beautiful for this world, he had a kind heart and he loved helping everyone. He always had an aura of happiness, even going through the pain that he did and I admired him for that. He lived his life day by day, loving and cherishing each and every moment of it, despite the struggle. I’ve never known and probably will never know anyone with a soul as beautiful as Dean’s.”

“Anyone who knew Dean knows he was a little shit,” the congregation chuckled, “and knew he loved Batman. There is one particular memory that comes to mind whenever I think of Dean as a child. We were seven and he had just gotten a Batman costume for his birthday. For some reason Dean decided to see if he could fly with his new costume so he decided to climb up on to the roof of the shed in his backyard and jump off it, thankfully he only broke his arm and he wasn’t very happy, obviously because he broke his arm, but also because I told him not to, told him he was going to hurt himself. And I was right.”

“I’ve learned many things from Dean, he taught me how to fix a car and how to use chopsticks, he taught me it didn’t matter what people thought of me and to just be myself. He taught me that I should write the things I’d like to read, not what others do. He taught me I’d never be alone, no matter what I’m doing or where I am…” He paused, “The one thing he didn’t me was how to live without him.”

“There is a quote from a headstone in Ireland I’d like to share with you. It goes “those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Cas held back a sob before continuing. “Nothing will be able to take away the memories I have of Dean, both the good and bad. Nothing will ever make me forget the good memories I have of Dean because they are cherished and I will always hold them close to my heart. There is a quote from The Crow by James O’Barr that says “if the people we love are stolen from us the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them,” I know many of us will never be able to stop loving Dean and I know I definitely will frequently take a trip down memory lane because that’s where Dean will be. That’s where he’ll be, alive and well.”

 

***

The service ended a few minutes later and many sobbed as Dean was lowered into the ground. After the burial, just as Cas was about to head to the Winchesters home like everyone else, Sam called on him. 

“You haven’t cried,” he stated. “Why? People are asking if Dean even meant anything to you and I’m starting to wonder now to.”

Cas’s jaw dropped at Sam’s words but Mary put a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “Sam, honey, let me talk to him.” Sam was reluctant but Mary linked arms with Cas, “Walk with me?” Cas didn’t really have a choice.

They walked around the cemetery for a while before coming to a stop at a bench that was covered by some trees. “I’m sorry about Sam, he’s just…” Cas waved her off, “I understand, he lost his brother.”

Mary smiled sadly at Cas. “So, tell me, how are you handling this? Please don’t tell me your going to deal with it in the “Dean way” if you know what I mean. Are you still in shock?”

Cas shook his head, “no, I’m not dealing with in the “Dean way” and no I’m not in shock… I just feel like I don’t have the right to cry…” Mary’s brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“Sam lost a brother, you and John lost a son… I just feel like I don’t have the right to be upset… I know it doesn’t make sense…” Mary cut him off.

“Castiel, yes Sam lost his brother, and John and I lost our baby, but you lost your best friend, you have as much of right to cry as everyone else. You are, have and always will be considered part of our family. I knew from the moment Dean came home from school and told us about the boy with the “bluest eyes to ever blue” that you were special Cas.” Cas could see Mary was wiping away some tears and it felt like a dam broke inside of him as he began to sob loudly. “I’m so sorry,” he wailed.

Mary pulled him close to her and let Cas cry, “It’s okay, Cas.” She stroked Cas’s hair as he sobbed into her shoulder. “You were in love with him, weren’t you honey?” Cas couldn’t even nod in response but Mary knew. “He loved you too but he told me he didn’t want you to suffer anymore than you had to because of him.” Castiel’s best friend and the love of his life was gone…”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because a relative of mine recently died and writing is the only way I'm able to get my feelings out. The things Cas thought, especially thinking he didn't have the right to cry, was the stuff I went through. Anyway, I hope you liked it!


End file.
